


(we are alive).

by ferris



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, M/M, Memories, Reincarnation, actualheichou, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2013-12-30
Packaged: 2018-01-06 17:25:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1109540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferris/pseuds/ferris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>eruri angst. </p><p>inspired by heichousface on tumblr:<br/>"Imagine Erwin and Levi get reincarnated to the modern world, and each year Erwin remembers a little more about Levi, until he finally sees him one day, completely out of the blue. Levi doesn’t remember him, though, and Erwin spots him really just in passing. With that one glimpse, Erwin begins to find Levi around the city much more, but he only looks on from afar, wondering if he should even try to get close to him. Maybe he should let the past go, and let Levi have a happy life in this universe. Eventually, Erwin sees Levi at a restaurant with someone and he looks happy, much happier than Erwin ever remembers him being, so with a heavy heart and a wry smile to himself, Erwin decides he won’t acquaint himself with Levi in this life."</p>
            </blockquote>





	(we are alive).

**1.**

Erwin first dreams of  _him_  when he is twelve. 

It is vague, blurry, like fog after the rain - grey, like his eyes. He sees dark hair and wisps of green and a tiny smile that he doesn’t know how to describe. The man is small - and Erwin, just twelve, feels the terrible urge to protect the phantom with grey eyes and a green cloak. 

**2.**

The second time the man with the grey eyes and sad smile crosses Erwin’s mind is when he is a freshman in high school, in the middle of his physics class. He is stunned by the vivid clarity of the images that spasm though his brain in short fast bursts of light and color. 

(This time, he hears a voice.)

(There is a beautiful sharpness and tautness and tension in the sound when the man whispers “Erwin” but fades in a snap.)

It is so familiar that Erwin has to excuse himself and stand in the hallway for a good half hour before he is able to collect himself and take his place in the classroom again. The teacher stares and asks the blond student if he is feeling alright - because Erwin has never been less than perfect. (Erwin gives a nervous laugh and finishes the rest of the kinematics problem.) 

**3.**

When Erwin is a senior, he is the valedictorian. He stands on the podium and looks out at the crowd of classmates and begins his speech, not even bothering to stop the flood of scrapped pictures and chipped voices that flow into his head: the man with the grey eyes and the green cloak, sometimes ominously stained with deep red liquid, sometimes impeccably clean - a sword held loosely in his hands, interchangeable with a broom - but the cravat is always there. Erwin has grown to be accustomed to having the grey-eyed man in his head, but even he can’t help but stop in the middle of his speech when the dark-haired man opens his pale mouth, stained with blood, and asks, _"Will you remember me?"_

"Lev - " 

Erwin stops himself, improvises wildly on the spot to his captivated audience. “Leaving is inevitable, but we must all cherish our memories here together…” 

**4.**

When he gets home and loosens his tie, Erwin realizes that Levi’s not a hallucination nor a phantom: he’s a memory.

He doesn’t know why, but the awareness of this breaks his heart.  

~~~

**5.**

Ever since Erwin’s been living in Vienna, Levi’s memories have become more vivid than ever - he has a faint idea  _why_ , but Erwin doesn’t push it, even when Levi’s memories don’t show up for a few days, and he’s slightly worried - because maybe that’s all he could remember of Levi from his past life - 

Until he rushes past a warm coffeeshop on a rainy day and sees dark hair and grey eyes staring moodily out the rain-washed window, absentmindedly stirring his coffee with a silver spoon. 

(Erwin slides and nearly trips in the rain, but he runs faster to his office, heart pounding - but not from the running, no.) 

**6.**

He sees Levi (the real one) a lot: the airport (Erwin wonders where the dark-haired man is going - he feels faintly panicked but lets it go), at memorials, at museums, and even once at Disneyland Paris - but almost always at the coffeeshop that he passed one rainy day. He’s debated several times whether or not he should quietly walk in, sit next to Levi, and ask him: “Do you remember me?” 

(But he realizes that he’s always been the creepy kid, so Erwin fervently decides against it.) 

**7.**

When he passes by the coffeeshop again, on a rainy Monday, Erwin nearly slides and falls (again). His heart stops and then starts beating a hundred miles a second, and he feels his throat constricting just a little. 

There, Levi sits with another person, smiling brighter than Erwin has ever seen him smile in his memories, happier than Erwin has ever known Levi to be when they were both alive. 

**8.**

_He remembers that one time, after they had just come back from an expedition, Levi had said out loud (into a pillow, as his face was smushed into Erwin’s couch): “I think that… If you’re happy, then I’m happy.”_

_Erwin had appreciated the little drunken sentiment that Levi had just expressed, but he had merely smiled quietly and tucked his green cloak more securely around Levi’s shoulders and pressed a kiss onto Levi’s forehead as the dark-haired man fell asleep._

_"Me too."_

**9.**

(The next time he passes by Levi in the coffeeshop, Erwin only averts his eyes and tries to smile a little.)


End file.
